Monday, February 3, 2014

Monday Meditation #3

Happy Monday! Today started off the first full week of a new month and I rang it in just slightly hung over thanks to a pretty rocking Super Bowl party where my team won! Go Seahawks! WooH!!

Of course I didn't have a jersey to sport my team pride but I did try to make a creative go at the colors:
yeah...I dunno...that happened.

It was a really fun night.

So today it was quite nice to wake up to the quick buzz of an incoming text message letting me know that work would be delayed for a few hours due to...rain. I'm not complaining, I had already planned ahead for the possibility of "weather" last week so I was caught up enough with my hours that going in later this morning didn't cause me the normal anxiety that it usually does toward the end of a pay period.

It also gave me some time to think about today's meditation. Really, this is just more of a series where I share my own deep thoughts on life and whatever else. I thought about providing some actual meditations as well, maybe as I get better with calming my own mind I will start passing along the tricks that I'm still learning as well. Just like with exercise, it's incredibly important to take time out of the day to still your thoughts as well and to just be in the moment.

I've been reading so many incredibly inspiring monthly and weekly goals and aspirations from other bloggers over the past couple of days and it seriously just excites me to no end to hear about what others are trying to accomplish with their lives. Sometimes I get envious, especially of travel writers or those delightful Instagram and Pinterest posts of various yummy treats. But mostly I'm inspired. I feel a sense of wonder at what so many of my peers are dreaming and actually DOING with each day, week and month in this new year. It makes me want to dream bigger and do more in my own life.

I talked a little bit about my main goal for February the other day in my Mini Monthlies post. I really struggle with loving and accepting myself and of course, of the things in life that I cannot change. And then I am also quite harsh with critiques about those things that I CAN change....but don't. Particularly with my seeming inability to properly plan and accomplish school assignments in addition to working a full time job and keeping the fur-beast alive and well. Some days, I really just cannot keep it all together.

Though I have to wonder if those harsh words inside my head aren't holding me back in their own way. I've never really been one for encouragement. In fact when I was serving on Active Duty, routinely I would give up the minute someone complimented me while I was running. "Good pace" and "keep it up" were usually enough for my brain to just kind of shut off and for my body to rebel against any more movement. As though the simple fact that someone recognized and acknowledged my hard work meant that I was probably headed for failure anyway so I might as well just quit now. So I'm harder on myself than I know I should be, and it's still not achieving the results that I would have hoped for.

I think I'm scared of success. I'm afraid to do well for myself and by myself, I'm afraid of what might happen if I really start taking care of my body and watching what I eat. I'm terrified of the end result from a well-planned and productive day, content to stalk the blogs of others and ogle their posts of planner perfection and well cooked meals, reading tales of their runs and traveling adventures.

But really, why should I be afraid of that? Why shouldn't I have those things for myself? There's a beautiful and very moving quote that I have seen come up quite often in my life of late, in fact my fiance is incredibly fond of it and often uses it to motivate his subordinates in order to get them through really tough challenges.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
                                                             - Marianne Williamson

We are all of us, powerful beyond measure. And there is not a person in this world who has the right to tell you that you are less, or undeserving of your dreams. Least of all if that person is yourself. You're awesome dear reader! So go do awesome things!

Saturday, February 1, 2014

February: A time for love and a new soundtrack

Happy First day of February!

Okay, So originally I had a plan all lined up about how I would review the month of January and go over how I achieved goals X, Y, and Z and then I would launch into the way that made me feel and how I really like this new plan of mine for mini monthly goals and turning some things into habits while accomplishing certain projects throughout the month.

Then I was going to tell you all about my plans for February. And let me just say, I have SOOOOOOO many goals for the shortest month of the year. Seriously, I don't know how I expect to accomplish it all in just 28 days. Granted, some of it could be lumped together like writing everyday along with creating an editorial calendar (which I actually already did so wooh!) and maybe cranking out a couple of short stories. Then there others that are just good habits I'd like to adopt forever not just for 28 days (I'm looking at you "wake up at 5am every morning, yes even on weekends, in order to get more out of the day" goal).

However after a number of things that happened over the last couple of months, conversations and epiphanies had and pondered over. I realized that I really only have one goal for this month.
It's kind of appropriate actually, given that this is the month of "love" and all that.

My Mini Monthly Milestone for February:
Change that track of negative self-talk in my head and love myself more.

You see, I'm pretty hard on myself. As I'm sure most everyone is at some point or another. In fact that seems to be a running theme around the internet these days, "don't be so hard on yourself" and "learn to love yourself." There was an article I was reading awhile back, which I unfortunately can't find to link for you now. (But I'll link it later if I do find it.) And it talked about how you should talk to yourself the same way you would to a friend or a sister, that a lot of women say things to themselves in the privacy of their own minds that they would NEVER say out loud to others, and that this is so damaging for living a healthy and fulfilled life.

I am a pretty terrible offender in this regard. In fact, I think there should be a hotline we can call to help with the emotional abuse we heap on ourselves sometimes.

So today I'm making a stand. I'm going to change that negative loop. I know it will be difficult, so ingrained in my mind is that track that it's almost a force of nature. Like screaming into the wind or trying to turn back the tide. I've had myself so convinced that I'm not even worthy of trying to build up better self esteem. That I deserve to feel this way all the time due to past mistakes and that if I try to start getting better, everyone else will see it for the farce that it truly is.

But that's a lie. I DO deserve to feel happy and complete. I DO have a pretty great life. Sure there are sucky parts, but isn't that true for everyone? It's all a matter of perspective and looking for those pockets of happiness, those spots of sunshine to brighten your day and get you through the rough patches.

I will no longer be ruled by negativity. Who's with me?